Everyone that has the pleasure of enduring my crazy moments knows that I soooo despise being late. Full disclosure…I judge others when they are late too. You would think this would change after having 5 babies, but I have only become 1% more understanding on this subject. When I have a plan and decide where I want to go, I dare not chance it by taking an alternative route or move around on Jamaican time like my significant other seems to enjoy. I am ALWAYS on a mission. Even if it is to the ladies room at a restaurant – where I have to map out which route will give me the least amount of opportunities to trip or look like I am lost. It is an illness, I know. Ask my husband about the time he didn’t want to get to the airport 3 hours early like I did. It was Christmas day…there was no parking…and I was irate. Our plane pulled off as we ran to the terminal and we only made it to our destination because I ran like a crazy woman to another gate to beg for seats on another airline. As we landed on that flight, he looked at me after he had taken a very restful nap and said: “Wow, that was so much better; we got here 20 minutes sooner than we would have on that other flight.” I. Just. Can’t. I need a well-executed plan that happens exactly like I imagine it. This is where God has a sense of humor, I am convinced, and tunes into my daily life to watch how many minutes it takes me to talk myself down from the next melt down. I know it sounds funny, but this is in every area of my life – possibly the most important area of all: prayer.
Is there anyone out there that prays like me and expects God to send lightning down from heaven immediately? No? It’s just me? Cool, well, I am not talking about the kind of prayer where I am asking Him to change everyone but me or for my selected March Madness team to win the bracket so I can rub it in my family’s face. I’m talking about the kind of prayer where I am on my face weeping, asking him to rush in and transform my heart and atmosphere. The ones where I am believing for family and friends to open their hearts to Him. The ones where I am begging for life to rule over death in my life and in my loved one’s lives. They aren’t selfish prayers.
Due to my intense scheduling personality and refusal to pay attention to the journey on my way to the destination, I often find myself angry with God for doing nothing with my prayers for days…months…even years. I also hate reruns and can rarely watch the same movie more than once. So the rerun of hearing myself pray, plead, beg and believe for something over and over? Ugh, I really hate it. Until last night, and it hit me like a semi-truck.
When you hear something that you learned as a child or as a new believer, it is easy to dismiss because you think you already know it. But if you open your mind to learn something new - whether the preacher that service is your preferred speaker or not - God can show up and teach you Himself. Here’s the thing - I have been believing for a handful of things for 5 plus years. I was sitting in service, angry last night, because I am tired of not getting to the destination I just knew He was going to get me to years ago. I’ve had plans, routes and brothers and sisters in Christ derail from that destination I have faithfully believed for. And then the story of Daniel started being discussed. I think I relate with Daniel because I bet he was pissed. Like I am pissed now. I know it doesn’t say that. But he had been fasting, so no good food, no expensive wine and no much needed answers...the man was enraged - I just know it. I bet he wondered when God would show up after everything he had done to be so respected and esteemed. I bet he was wondering if God even heard him. He had been praying and fasting for 3 weeks - so where was his answer and breakthrough? Then this is what the angel said to Daniel:
“But for twenty-one days the spirit prince of the kingdom of Persia blocked my way. Then Michael, one of the archangels, came to help me, and I left him there with the spirit prince of the kingdom of Persia.” Daniel 10:13
He had to battle rulers and principalities of the air in order to bring Daniel the answer he needed. If it happened to Daniel, then I guarantee it is happening concerning the prayers I have sent up for souls, freedom and my own spiritual breakthrough – and definitely the prayers you are asking if He has heard too. Do you think the enemy sits there and listens to you believe God for something and just say “oh that’s nice, I won’t bother her by trying to block her prayers because she’s not that dangerous”? Yea right! His goal is to kill and destroy each one of us that has decided to honor God with our life. He is going to wrestle with angels that have our answers and our breakthroughs to try to sway us into believing that God is not good and that He is not going to keep His word to us. The enemy will also try to convince us that the battle we face is not spiritual and is only against flesh and blood. If you grab hold of anything I say, please hear this. IT IS SPIRITUAL. You are not crazy. It is not the battle you see with your eyes, but the battle that is unseen.
I started to lean into that notion - then I felt last night like the angel was trying to tell me the same thing that he said to Daniel:
“Don’t be afraid, Daniel (Amanda). Since the first day you began to pray for understanding and to humble yourself before your God, your request has been heard in heaven. I have come in answer to your prayer.” Daniel 10:12
Do you hear that? As soon as you pray it - that SAME DAY! God and the spiritual realm go to work! Sometimes it happens immediately. And other times, it does not. Not because He doesn’t care or there is something better He has to do. It is because He has sent angels command over you and over your requests and they are trying to make their way down to you. As I stood in service last night and I watched my teenage sons stand at the altar and pray for others, it hit me. I prayed for this! I saw this when they were little. I asked Him to give my children hearts after His own and that they would believe and stand in the gap for others where Christ was concerned. And there it was. It didn’t happen right when I prayed it when they were babies and toddlers. The enemy has tried to take them all out – in the womb, as newborns and as teenagers. But God’s angels never stopped fighting to bring my prayers for them and their futures to pass. It was a spiritual battle from the beginning, but I never grew weary on what I was believing for concerning my children. If I won’t grow weary for their future, then I know I can’t grow weary for myself.
So, to the request I made to Him 9 years ago concerning my emotions, you’re still on your way. To the one I made known to Him 5 years ago and again 5 minutes ago concerning my marriage, you’re on your way too. To my dear friend that has been seeking God and not understanding where your answer has been for 7 months now regarding your marriage, let’s rejoice because there are angels battling on your behalf to get it to you. To my other sister who has lost life inside her womb - where is your answer? It is on its way. The enemy just doesn’t want you to believe you will carry that baby full term like He promised you. The lag is not because we don’t have enough faith or that we are doing anything wrong. Sometimes He is trying to get it to us and is working ALL things together for our good. He loves us and is always working on our behalf, especially where life is concerned.
So today is a big day, friends. Today I let go of that over controlling planner that has to get everywhere 10 minutes early. I am letting go of that weary believer that has still not seen all of His promises come to pass. I choose to trust His plan and what He says. If he said He would do anything I asked in His name and I have seen Him do it time and time again, then His GPS can take me on as many detours as it wants to in order to get me where I need to go.
Isaiah 40:28 (NIV)
28 Do you not know?
Have you not heard?
The Lord is the everlasting God,
the Creator of the ends of the earth.
He will not grow tired or weary,
and his understanding no one can fathom.