So My Husband Hates Valentine's Day
So today is Valentine's Day and many of you are receiving flowers or running out for that last minute box of chocolates for the one you love. I, on the other hand, am knee deep in folding laundry and sitting in my piles of folded clothes trying to understand how I married someone that hates Valentine's Day.
As most little girls do, I would always get nervous around Valentine's Day because all of my friends always had someone to call their "Valentine". My Mom was so good at setting out little gifts for us on February 14th to remind us that we were loved, but there was always an aching pain in my chest. I was in elementary school when I remember it starting and thought it was that I wanted a boyfriend to exchange Valentine candy with like all of my friends were doing. Later in life, I thought the pain was because I was in search of a piece of myself that I felt was stolen from me early in my life. Now, in my early thirties, I realize that it was neither.
My biological Father was an alcoholic and was never truly in my life to show me how to be loved God's way. Such a sick joke, I always thought, since he named me Amanda...which means: "worthy of love". I struggled with this, even into my current marriage, because I had no idea what it really looked or felt like. A week into our relationship, Ricky told me that he hated Valentine's Day and didn’t want to celebrate it. Seriously? After all this time...I find my soul mate...and he refuses to celebrate the "day of love"…with me...the girl whose name means "worthy of love"?!? Sick joke God played on me, right? No. This was exactly what I needed to really understand what that burning in my chest was since childhood.
You see, there was no hole, no sick joke, no lack of love in my life from those God surrounded me with. He did a pretty fantastic job filling those spots with people that did and do their absolute best to love me. The burning in my chest was God's unconditional love that He had already placed on the inside of me. Every traumatic event, every positive memory, every new day that He gave me activated that love to become deeper and more intense than the day before. My perspective was off and I was always in pursuit of something that would never fill that spot or be able to put out that fire that God intensely pursues His children with. Those that know me best have teased me at times that I am far too passionate or emotional. One thing I love the most about God is that He created us all with unique traits and stories that compliment Him and the love that He gives us each and every day.
While I sit here trying to remember how I got to this place, I am thanking Him for all of the years that His burning love was already on the inside of me. He is the God of all my days, not just the good ones…but also the ones that have hurt me the most. His unconditional love through those times has taught me to love myself and others at the deepest level possible. I am also thanking Him today that He gave me a husband that hates Valentine’s Day! Ricky chooses to love me every day, not just on February 14th. Now, if he had hated Christmas…it may not have worked out between us, ha! But this man knows me to my core, like I do him, and he is molding and bending like I am so that we can become one.
So what does love feel or look like? Well, Ricky knows to never buy me roses and that I want warm brownie sundaes in the 8th month of my pregnancy. He knows my deepest insecurities and tells me that I must be blind. He gets up every day and pushes himself to be better. He prays with me. He knows that if he does buy me Valentine chocolates - that I will take little bites out of each one to find the only flavor I like…even though they have maps in the boxes now! He knows that I like to slow dance in the kitchen and that I like to plan out every detail of almost everything. He knows that I love hard and that I cry regardless of the emotion. He loves me no matter what…which is the closest thing I have experienced to God’s unconditional love for me.
God truly blessed me and gave me the only man that could compliment His eternal love for me. This Valentine’s Day, I celebrate that He loves me, Ricky loves me and that I love myself. That burning in my chest finally feels familiar and like it is supposed to be there since I now know I am worthy of the name I was given.
1 John 4:7
Dear friends, let us love one another, for love comes from God. Everyone who loves has been born of God and knows God.